How did he get into our backyard? We were stunned this week to find a baby deer in the backyard. We’ve seen adults and babies behind our house up on a hill but never inside the gated yard. The poor thing was so scared he was trying to get out but the gate was closed. He kept trying to jump over an 8-foot chain link fence but he wound up jumping into it instead. As soon as we saw him, we all went out to help. We opened the gate and calmly tried to get him away from the fence he was jumping into but instead of going to the open gate, he panicked and raced, and I mean raced, across the yard in the opposite direction. I’m pretty sure he was going about 50 mph! He headed for another 8-foot  fence, this one was wood and covered with ivy (in the photo) and he was getting ready to jump. This time we panicked because on the other side of the fence was a long drop to the neighbor’s concrete walk. We raced towards him to stop him, which scared him even more, so he raced back across the yard, flew over a 5-foot wall like he had wings, found the open gate, and disappeared up the hill. We were all relieved to help him get home but sad that he was so scared and didn’t realize we were trying to help. We still have no idea how he got in. I hope he’s back with his mom but I’ll be looking out for him, hoping to see this beautiful animal again on the hill, where he belongs. It was quite an ordeal for all of us.

Is everybody happy that spring is finally here? Me… not so much. I was happy until a series of events have put me on edge. First thing: There was a spider in the bathroom. Second: Last week there was a baby rattle snake in the backyard. The gardeners got rid of it but what if his mom, the big one, comes looking for her son?? Third thing:  Denis and I were standing out in the backyard last night around 6:00 (it was still very light), watching the hummingbirds, when a skunk walked right past us – like we were invisible. I went for my camera but Denis said not to make any sudden moves – if he feels threatened, he could spray us. Mr. Skunk strolled away like he owned the place. Now I can’t just walk outside carefree any more. In the morning I have to watch where I step not to corner a rattle snake, and in the late afternoon I have to look over my shoulder for the skunk. And as if spiders, snakes, and skunks weren’t enough… the tomato plant came back! YES!! IT’S BACK!! In the exact same spot, right between the roses.

It’s just a little sprout right now but that’s all it was last year and I wound up picking over 8,000 tomatoes! I’m not doing that again! I don’t care how delicious and sweet those cherry tomatoes were…. oh, they were soooo good…. well, maybe I’ll just pick the first five thousand. The rabbit can have the rest.

Denis and I took a weekend getaway to the San Diego Zoo. We saw a lot of animals but nothing compared to seeing this giant panda in person. This was not what I expected. It’s much bigger than I thought – about 5 to 6 feet tall. We watched him for about ten minutes and all he did was eat, eat, eat. He stuffed himself on huge branches of bamboo. It’s no wonder he was lying back like that – just like us after Thanksgiving dinner… in a recliner, can’t get up, need a nap.

So this morning I put my face against the window to look outside. I’m always curious to see what happened overnight, like did the raccoons neatly turn over pieces of the lawn again, did the deer eat my flowers, or is there anything dead floating in the pool. I didn’t see much because directly in front of my eyeball was this humungous, hairy, wierd, I don’t know what. I tapped on the screen but he didn’t move. I thought he was dead. I still don’t know if he’s alive. He let me put a tape measure right next to him for this photo and still didn’t move, although I think he eyeballed me once. “Take your stupid picture and go away!”  As moths go I’ve never seen one this big – almost two inches! Moths? Maybe it’s a bird, or a flying gopher or something. I don’t know. That was hours ago and I checked and he’s still there. Dead? Playing dead? Waiting until I open the window so he can terrorize me in the house? He’s huge! I feel like if I tried to hit him with a fly swatter, he’s grab it and throw it back. What the heck is it???

UPDATE: Emmie’s right, it’s a White Lined Sphinx Moth and an ugly one at that. Here’s the even uglier caterpillar it comes from…

Hey, wait a minute! Isn’t that the bug that ate all my tomatoes??? (I hope this one makes it across the street before the bus runs him over!)

So here’s what we know: They are also known as Hummingbird Moths. Their wing span can range from 2 to 8 inches. They pollinate flowers such as orchids, petunias and evening primroses while sucking their nectar with a proboscis (feeding tube) that exceeds 10 inches in some species. They like garden crops, especially apples and tomatoes (no kidding!).  Larvae burrow into soil to go into chrysallis, where they remain for 2–3 weeks. They change into adult moths underground and then dig their way to the surface. I know I’m going to have bad dreams tonight!

I ran some errands today and took a short cut down Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. I saw two Rolls Royces, a Bentley, two Ferraris, a chrome car, a Porsche racing car, and a very long, low, sleek  yellow and black & shiny sports car (don’t know what that was!).

I got out to window shop and everybody walking around was dressed to the nines! The right fashions, the right shoes, hair with the right highlights in just the right place. I need to dress better next time I go there.

I’m surprised they didn’t ask me to leave. ”I’m sorry but we have to ask you to leave Beverly Hills. We have a certain standard to uphold… and here’s some money so you can buy a mirror.”

Happy Valentine’s Day to Denis, my  partner of 27 years.

I call him my “precious little puppy fluff.”

He makes me laugh every day.

He still tells me he loves me every night.

Is this a bad day to ask him to clean the garage?

In the tabloids again? When I heard that I was in the National Examiner, I was expecting the worst.  It was a relief to see that it was just updates on what we’re all doing except there was no mention of my cooking!

Oh well, it could have been worse…. It could have been “Stars Without Makeup” or “A Tub of Cottage Cheese or Jenny Jones’s Thighs? You Decide!”

Me, Denis, and about 20,000 other people were at the Staples Center last night for The Who concert. I’ve never been to a concert like this before (does Donnie & Marie count?) and it was LOUD! How do I describe the level of loudness? I could physically feel the thumping of the bass in my chest like it was pounding against my heart. If someone you know goes into cardiac arrest, get them to a rock concert! It’ll snap that puppy right back to life! Once I got my earplugs in, I really enjoyed the music by the two remaining members of The Who, Roger Daltrey and Pete Townsend. They played their entire rock opera, “Quadrophenia” followed by some of their big hits. The drummer, Zak Starkey (Ringo Starr’s son), was incredible and there were six video screens with fantastic graphics. They also used the screens to play nice tributes to Keith Moon and John Entwistle with their solos integrated into the live music so well it was hard to tell them apart.

We had center floor seats in the 12th row but we didn’t use the seats. Everybody stood for the entire two hours so if you didn’t stand, you could only see the screens. They rocked. Roger was bare chested, swinging the microphone. Pete was doing windmills on the guitar. They’ve still got it! They’re pushing seventy and performed for over two hours. And I was whining about having to stand up. I have a new perspective.

This morning I decided to walk out on our second floor balcony to check the gutters that face the backyard. What I saw was one of our cushions laying on the floor of the balcony and I have no idea how it got there. It’s a 12-inch square patio cushion that looks like it was tossed onto the balcony.  The last time I saw this cushion, it was on a patio chair that sits below the balcony. We have no children and the only people to frequent the backyard (besides the deer, coyotes, and various annoying critters) are the gardeners who are nice guys and would not pull pranks. How did it get there? Is it possible a hawk or owl picked it up and dropped it there? Maybe there was an animal on the cushion and the bird picked up the animal and cushion together, then dropped the cushion? It’s a mystery.

I went back to the gum guy on Thursday. Here’s my problem: If I was having open heart surgery, I don’t want to hear, “We’re going to crack open your chest with a chain saw, pry you open with a huge metal vice, then start slicing up……” No! I don’t need to hear that! All I need to hear is, “You’re not going to die.”  So I get there and am in the chair with the woman who’s about to work on my infected tooth. This time I know not to look at any of the sharp, pointy, metal tools. Then in comes the gum guy, who said hi to me and then started to review my x-ray with the technician, telling her what needs to be done. “You’ll have to use that long blah-blah tool and get way up into this area here – it may take some time – but you’ll have to scrape all of this out. If she needs more numbing, you can give her another injection.” Hello!! I’m right here!! I did not need to hear that.

I thought about making a run for it. Maybe I should ask for a bunch of Advil & Tylenol… not for the pain… I want to get high. Next time (and there will be a next time) I’m bringing my ipod. If I ran things, every dentist’s office would serve wine.