This is my new pet peeve! I just opened a new box of Kleenex because I needed a tissue. I didn’t want three tissues – just one single tissue. But could I pull up just one single tissue? No. You can not open a new box of Kleenex and pull up one tissue with the first pull. Three sheets are forced on us, like it or not. Why? Apparently, the technology does not exist. But didn’t some guy walk on the moon? Can’t you store 40,000 songs on a small metal stick? We could probably clone a human being if we wanted to. So what’s up with Kleenex? I think if they folded them right, you could get one to pop up with the first pull. Seriously, it can’t be that hard.
1. The state of New York finally voted to allow gay marriage. Finally! Equality for everyone! Now gay people can be just as miserable as the rest of us.
2. Basketball star Ron Artest want to change his name to Metta World Peace. What? Why? If anyone could use a name change right now, it’s Anthony Weiner.
3. The Casey Anthony trial has dominated all the networks since it started. I hope she testifies so they can add perjury to her charges. How will we know she’s lying? Her lips will be moving.
4. After a mix-up at a Tennessee hospital, a dead man is being exhumed to remove his dentures that belong to another man who shared the same room. Getting the hospital to pay for the cost will be like pulling teeth.
5. He calls himself the “King of Infomercials” but Don Lapre was arrested for fraud after he bilked over 200,000 victims for $50 million dollars. I expect the judge will sentence him in a way he’ll understand: “You could expect to serve 10 to 15 years… but wait… there’s more!”
With ninety-one organic apples on my tree, I had to come up with a very special recipe and here it is. It’s a lot less work than making traditional apple pie and the best part is… it’s healthier… made without shortening or butter, only heart-healthy canola oil. I love that!
It tastes just as good as a pie, in fact, Denis keeps calling it pie but I say a piece of pie is pointed and this is square – it is NOT pie! Whatever you call it, this is one of my best recipes.
And try to eat just one piece of p….. uh…. I mean one bar.
I made apple pie bars again. I had to. My apples were calling me from the tree: “We’re ready! Over here! Eat us! Bake us into one of those pie bars! We need a purpose! We like being snuggled in that delicious crust. Please Jenny, take us before the squirrels come!!”
Mike, you are getting a $100 Visa gift card for guessing 91 apples.
The day I took the photo, there were exactly 91 apples on my tree.
There are less today after I made my apple pie bars. (that recipe is coming soon!)
Thanks for playing, everybody. This was fun!! Oh Canada!!!
Here is a photo of our winner, Mike, taken at a wedding this past weekend. Mike is a 28-year-old client relations coordinator and here’s what he wrote…
My friend Scott Mitchell, called me 2 days ago, and said new contest on JJ’s blog, you better play – and buy me something if you win” Jenny – can you send him one too? haha
I am 28 year old Client Relations Coordinator by day, while working P/T evenings and weekends at London’s own, The Windermere Manor.
Jenny, I miss your show, keep up with the wicked blogging & contests – you keep it fun!
Until next time, Mike.”
Guess how many apples are on my tree and win a $100 Visa gift card to spend on Summer Fun!
Here are some clues & rules:
1. It’s a 5-year old dwarf apple tree and stands about 6 feet tall.
2. The tree is so heavy with apples I had to tie the branches up so they don’t break.
3. One guess per person. Closest guess over or under wins.
4. Winner will be announced Friday.
I cried when I heard this but I’m still not sure if it was from sadness or joy. Someone told me they were at the cemetery today and heard violin music nearby so they went to see where it was coming from. They saw a young woman, sitting on a stool at a family plot, playing the violin for her father…
“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.”
I don’t buy designer clothes but I will splurge on life’s small luxuries. One of those is soft toilet paper. I buy the softest, plushest, two-ply I can find. If it came five-ply, I’d buy that too. I’ve been using Northern Quilted Ultra Plush for years but lately I noticed it seemed as little sparse on my holder. I often find myself sitting there with nothing to do but stare at the toilet paper and today, I finally solved the mystery. They have gradually, over the years, reduced the width of the roll, hoping no one would notice. But I did. What a rip-off! It costs about the same as Charmin Ultra Soft but look at the difference! People need to know and I’m here to blow the lid off this right now! Call me a crack detective for figuring it out. This is a bum deal!
“Grab your camera! Quick!” Denis yelled from the back door and told me to hurry. “Not another snake,” I said. “I think we should move.” Well it was the cutest young deer and it was in the back yard – not up on the hill way behind our house – in the yard! Next to the plum tree full of ripe plums. Denis had just been out picking plums and left the gate open that separates our yard from the wild wild west up there… the coyotes, bobcats, and other unwelcome varmits… but we’ve never had a deer actually in the yard. Deer eat flowers. They eat plums. They eat everything. But this one was so cute! Look at those ears. Look at that face. We were locked in a staring contest as I walked towards him, determined to defend my plums, to let him know this was not an all-you-can-eat buffet. “You’re so cute,” I said. “Now get out!” Tough love hurts.
A BMW to a skateboard?
Anthony Weiner to a cocktail frank?
I don’t think so.
Here’s my recipe for the best homemade tortillas you’ve ever had.
They are so worth the effort. Try them this weekend!
Click here to watch the video.
Now this, I can use. It’ll be my new credit card. I can use it to buy things, like….
A new hip, a walker, a motorized scooter, one of those chairs that pushes you up to stand…. and some teeth.
Finally, a gift I can use!