More cow bell! More party balloons!! I’m celebrating the launch of my new website and I’m so excited! It’s been a long wait but it’s so worth it. Plus, it’s now mobile-friendly, too! A big thank you to my friend and website developer, Robert Avedissian (Avetar Interactive) for his fabulous work on this new site and also to my assistant, Damon, for actually understanding what Robert was doing.
Thank you, Robert, for my awesome new home!! See you at our celebration lunch. I’ll be the one with balloons!!! And a cow bell. Big hugs!! xoxoxo
p.s. My old (vintage) website is still available. Just click here.
Note to self: When you hear a noise outside around midnight, don’t go out there with a flashlight. What you see might destroy any chance of having pleasant dreams. My dream involved me trying to run while being chased by zombie raccoons.
First of all, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
It’s a day to be grateful and I have much to be grateful for.
1) Squirrels are hybernating.
2) I don’t have to wear Spanx.
3) I have never bought anything “as seen on TV.”
4) I can still drive at night.
5) There’s a TV in my bathroom.
6) TMZ doesn’t know where I live.
7) I will always be older than Cher.
8) I will never be a vegan.
9) No one recognizes me at Target.
10) They make 3-ply toilet paper.
Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone. I’ll be cooking all day and loving it.
Coming soon: A brand new website… I can’t wait!!
We went on a road trip! It was so much fun. We drove all the way to Vancouver, British Columbia and I learned a lot on this trip. I learned that sitting in a car for eight hours is not that hard. The hard part is getting out. My first few steps out of the car, I looked like someone recovering from a bad fall… who was just learning how to walk again. But that aside, we really had fun. Denis and I were together 24/7 and we were still friends when we got back.
What I missed most of all was my cooking, and my beautiful house. We came back a day early and the first thing I did was go out to the backyard to see my garden. I wasn’t surprised to see a squirrel but he was definitely surprised to see me. He froze for a moment and stared at me thinking, “Oops, you’re back early. And yes, I have one of your apples in my mouth. Goodbye.” He didn’t run. He flew across the yard so fast all I could catch was his tail flying by faster than we drove on our trip.
He ran up a tree, looked back once (I’m pretty sure he thumbed his nose) and disappeared. Seeing him made me realize I needed to check my pomegranate tree because the fruit will be ripe soon and I don’t want this mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, apple-stealing squirrel to get my pomegranates. Too late.
I know squirrel teeth marks when I see them. But the pomegranates were still green! So now I was forced to pick all the green ones off the tree and try to ripen them in a window. There were only two that even started to turn red but he hollowed them both out. It’s too painful. I decided to remove the tree and buy my pomegranates at the store. I can plant some flowers there and at least there will be something nice to look at… until the deer show up.
We all hoped Joan Rivers would pull through after she suffered cardiac arrest during a medical procedure on her vocal cords but it was not meant to be. She was a brilliant comedian. She had to be to break through all the barriers faced by women comics back in the 60s. By succeeding she paved the way for other women comics, including myself, but no only that, she was an incredibly kind and supportive entertainer.
I appeared on Hollywood Squares with her in 1988 when I was just starting out and she sat with me during a break, was so nice to me, and even gave me advice about writing. Then in 1990, I was a guest on her daytime talk show and again, she was gracious and just as kind to me again. When she did stand up, everyone talked about it. “Did you hear what Joan Rivers said? Can you believe what Joan Rivers said?” She was fearless. She pushed the envelope and that’s when she was at her best. She was always outrageous and we loved her for it. All the brilliant comics who had us falling down laughing were outrageous, just like Joan.
I am so sad for missing all the great things she still had to say and sad for her family dealing with this unexpected tragedy. Joan may have been 81 but she was full of life and just as funny as ever. Even when contemplating her own death, Joan has managed to make us laugh again. Here are Joan’s final wishes:
“When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything’s in your name), I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action…. I want Craft Services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene!
I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don’t want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don’t want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing Mr. Lonely.
I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé’s.”
I don’t like this squirrel’s attitude. After investing money is a plastic hawk, it still wasn’t enough to scare off this mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, apple-stealing squirrel. I placed the hawk there couple of weeks ago and apparently, it’s just an inconvenience. Now instead of running along the stone wall, the furry rodents have to detour around the bird and scale down the side to get to my apples.
Now I think he’s mocking me. What he doesn’t know is that last Sunday, four coyotes walked by the same spot. The hawk may be fake but those coyotes are real. And hungry. Instead of sitting there watching the hawk’s back, you’d better watch your own. I saw a bobcat around too. “Here, kittty, kitty, kitty……”
Who needs fireworks when they have this in their backyard? I was so lucky to get this shot! I saw the mom and baby walk by and went out with my camera (like I always do when anything moves back there) and I started taking pictures. Then the baby saw me and took off but the mom stayed, probably because she’s more used to seeing me. I was about to go back in the house, assuming the mom would follow the baby but then I saw the baby walking back to the mom. I still didn’t know what was coming. I was just prepared to take some photos of them together.
And then THIS happened! Wow! It was lunch time, baby! I was so excited to be a spectator at this beautiful event, I could hardly hold the camera still. What a joy that they came to our house today. Tomorrow’s 4th of July fireworks will never compare.
We celebrated my birthday last night at the Greek Theater in Griffith Park to see A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor. It was a great night sitting outside under the stars watching a little bit of Americana. Where else can you go and watch a radio show? It’s so well done with the most amazing sound effects guy, great music, humor, and then… the coyotes.
It was unbelievable! The theater is outside surrounded by wilderness and wildlife and right in the middle of the show, a pack of coyotes started howling right behind us. At first it sounded like part of the show coming through the speakers but it quickly become clear what it was. I’m guessing it was a large pack because they made a lot of noise for quite a while. The show stopped and Garrison asked the audience, “What was that?” We all answered back, “Coyotes!” It’s a familiar sound to most locals, that squealing and howling they do – but it was beautiful music to me. It’s what I occasionally hear in my own backyard (those are the times I don’t go out to see what’s going on!)
What a memorable evening this was. A night out at the Greek and coyotes who sang for my birthday.