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October, 2010

Culinary catastrophe

“I’ll have the bacon-dog, please and then just drop me off at the hospital.”  That’s the only way to order a bacon-wrapped hot dog! Denis and I went to our local street festival yesterday and when I saw this sign, I wondered what the thinking was behind this culinary catastrophe. Let’s see… we know hot dogs are unhealthy, but what can we do to make them do even more damage?  Put them in a white bread bun? Done.  Dip it in corn batter and fry it?  Been there, done that. Here’s an idea.  Let’s wrap it in bacon!  Genius!

There were a lot of food stands with things like cotton candy, funnel cakes, and even some food trucks. I have to admit the smells at any outdoor festival can be intoxicating.  The first thing that wafted my way was caramel corn and then it was barbeque.  I decided on barbeque but they ran out so I went with my second choice. Call me a hypocrite because I had a Polish kielbasa dog, and I only have one thing to say: Thie kiełbasy było pyszne! Hey, at least it wasn’t wrapped in bacon!

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Week in Review

1. The miners are finally free and home with their loved ones, never to return to that mine.  But when it’s time to face his wife, number 21 may decide to go back.

2. If Brett Favre really did send naked pictures of his package to Jenn Sterger, he was so out of bounds. When a married man makes this kind of fumble, his wife needs to drop kick him to the curb. Don’t sit on the sideline waiting for another personal foul. Tackle the problem now.  Sack him and hit the astroturf running, girl.

3. Are Demi & Ashton over?  They say, “we will forge bonds with our similarities & find compromise in our differences.” I haven’t seen a statement this evasive since they asked Bill Clinton about Monica Lewinsky. Let’s remember… “It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.”

4. Cristine O’Donnell couldn’t think of one Supreme Court decision she disagreed with.  I can think of one decision she made that I disagree with: running for the Senate.

5. The Situation finally got voted off on DWTS.  Maybe it’s time to change his name to The Cancellation.

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It gets worse

I went outside to pick some tomatoes for my salad today and it seemed there weren’t as many ripe ones there as I saw yesterday.  So I picked three and came back in. Then Denis went out and came back to say he knew why there were no tomatoes. “You might want to see this,” he said.  He showed me this ugly green 4-inch long monstrosity as it chewed leaf after leaf while we stood there in horror. I don’t know how he spotted it because it blends right in with all the green. But wait, it gets worse. “There’s another one,” he said. “And two more.”  There were four! Four homely-ass, worm-like, can’t-tell-the-front-from-the-back ugly-sticks. Where are the eyes?  Those things that look like eyes… aren’t.  Maybe it has no eyes, only teeth.  Those aren’t teeth, they’re like giant clamps – look at it!  Now it gets even worse because I came back with my camera and got close to get this shot and I accidently touched one. Eeeeeeeeww!!

*Oct. 15th addition:

I just found out it’s called a Tomato Hornworm and it eventually turns into a moth.

Here’s a photo.

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A day to remember

How amazing to see these 33 miners brought back to life.

 I cried every time one more came back. 

One survivor said there were actually 34 down there —

— God was with them, too.  

This is a day to remember.

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Peeeeuuuw!

How can something so cute smell so bad?

It was a lovely night last night so I had the windows open for fresh air – but not for long.  All of a sudden, we were hit by a wall of stink so strong I could have called in a HazMat team. My eyes started watering so I closed the windows right away but nothing changed. There was no place to escape the stench, inside or out. This had to be the fart to end all farts!

This morning a critter catcher came to investigate and tells me we have a skunk den on the back hill. He set up cages to trap and relocate them. Good. Let them fog up the night air somewhere else! But he didn’t say how far he takes them. What if it’s just two houses down and they walk back? Well, I guess I’ll know, won’t I?

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Gary Coleman Lost Footage

Gary Coleman died earlier this year at the age of 42. I remembered that he had appeared on my show and and I’ve been looking for months for the video.  I finally found it and we posted it today on the site.  You’ll see that the interview was kind of strange – he seemed guarded and frankly, not very happy.  He was 30 years old at the time and seemed to want to separate from the role that made him a superstar in the 70s and 80s. He played Arnold on “Diff’rent Strokes” from the time he was 10 until the age of 18.   His life was plagued with health problems, primarily his kidneys.  How sad that he died so young but his work will bring laughter to generations to come.

http://demo.jennyjones.com/bt_video_highlights.shtml

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Week in Review

1. Lisa Rinna’s lips were plumped up the whole time?   Shut up!  But they looked so real!  She could have taken that secret to her grave.  Why did she tell us now? Then her store gets robbed on live TV!  Why now? A robbery in broad daylight? She doesn’t need all this drama just when she’s launching her new reality show –  just bad luck I guess.

2. Michael Bolton upset that Bruno told him he sucked?  The truth hurts.  Why would someone with zero coordination agree to do the show?  Does he enjoy being mocked?  First the hair, and now this.

3. Octomom going on welfare? Looks like she had her 15 minutes.  Or was it 15 kids? I can’t remember.  Every time she spoke, I could only stare at those sausage lips, trying to figure out how they got that way, and everything else was a blur.

4. Jerry Brown’s camp calls Meg Whitman a whore.  My dictionary defines whore as “a venal or unscrupulous person.”  It describes venal as “capable of being bought for money or open to corrupt influence.” These kinds of accusations have no place in politics.

5. Tiger Woods in a sex tape? Whaat? No way! I wouldn’t pay to see it.  I’ll wait for the box set.

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Wanna host a game show?

I was contacted by the Game Show Network yesterday asking if I’d be interested in hosting a new game show. My reaction was… letmethinkaboutitno.  I’m not sure there’s anything that would drive me back to TV, I guess because I never felt like I belonged there in the first place.  The whole twelve years I spent on the air, my biggest fear was that someone would find out it was a big mistake to give me my own show and this dream job would suddenly be taken away.  But the show kept going and I thought it was only through sheer luck – I was at the right place at the right time and the executives just didn’t think it through. So maybe it’s the fear of being found out this time, or maybe it’s just more fun baking cookies in my pajamas.  For all those of you asking if I would do Dancing with the Stars, first: I can’t dance so they’d have to change the name to Falling Down with the Stars and second: I’d have to dance in handcuffs after being arrested for trying to strangle Bruno. 😉

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We have a winner!

Congratulations, William!

He was the very first entry after this morning’s clue and he just won $100 Visa gift card!  The three fakes show titles were:

#1 You think you’re ideal but that chest doesn’t look real.

#3 Girl, here’s the plan – you need to get your own man. &

#19 Your man’s not a hero – you need to drop that zero.

Thanks, everybody, for playing.  Stay tuned for more fun games and free money!

UPDATE:

We just heard from William who lives in Wisconsin and said he was playing against his wife, Jamie, and it was “good to beat her (all in good fun, of course).”

Here’s a photo of them both  hiking along the south rim of the Grand Canyon this past summer. William is a huge Chicago Bears fan (displaced from MN to the middle of Packer-land)! William, my show taped in Chicago and I agree – the Chicago Bears rule!  Congrats again.

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Win $100 with this clue

Here it is: this is your Thursday clue

But look at the old ones – they’ll help you too.

Each fake has a confronter in some woman’s face

That ought to help you to win this race.

The birthday boy is as close as any

Take your best shot. Good luck,

Jenny 🙂

(Please go to Oct. 4th posting below to vote)