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July, 2011

Carmageddon!

“Los Angeles Commuters Brace for Carmageddon”

The sky is falling! The sky is falling! Actually, it’s a bridge that’s falling this weekend and if you live in Los Angeles, you know exactly what I’m talking about. They are shutting down one of our freeways for two days this weekend and you’d think it was the end of our civilized world. Let me clarify: They are shutting down ONE freeway for TWO days. Not the whole freeway – just ten miles of it. It’s the lead story on every news broadcast, people are stockpiling food & water, the mayor held a news conference, there are signs everywhere, flashing lighted signs warning of the impending doom. “Do NOT Drive This Weekend!”

Our ancestors didn’t have freeways – they didn’t have cars. If they had a wagon and a horse, they were happy. If a road got shut down, they took another road. Get over it. Here’s the stupidest part: News reports are warning us not to drive Saturday or Sunday, then they promote huge events all over town this weekend: food festivals, a tattoo expo, computer fair, craft fair, poetry festivals, art festivals, a soccer game, and a cat show. I don’t mind staying home all weekend. I have something I need to take care of in my back yard: Squirrelmageddon.


Happy Birthday, MPLPF

It’s Denis’s birthday today!

Happy Birthday, MPLPF.

He’s just as cute today as in this photo so my pet name for him is  “My Precious Little Puppy Fluff.”

We’re going out to dinner tonight and then coming home for birthday cake. I made a two-layer strawberry cake from scratch and it’s chilling in the fridge.

He’s been my partner and best friend for over 25 years.

I love you, Mr. Fluff.

xoxoxoxoxo

xoxoxoxoxo

 


The Hopeless Teen

i am a teenage girl. and i am kinda shy. for the past couple of
years ive been liking this guy. he is sweet, charming, and somewhat
sensative. well i like him. and all my friends know it. Me and this guy have
talked a couple times. we used to text all the time. he just broke up with
his girl friend (but he goes threw girls like underwear). we’ve started to
text again but evertime i text him he doesnt even know who i am, and in my
eyes this means he wont even give me time to charm him. i really like this
guy. but he has been hurt alot and so have i. I guess what im trying to ask
is how do i get this guy to talk(or text) me like we used to and how do i
get his attention

Thanks!


Breaking News of my dreams

It’s too much food! Everything’s ready at once. This is what I picked just today: Grapefruits, oranges, lemons, apples, tomatoes, peac…. oh right, no peaches. They all got picked early and made into a pie. Now that they’re gone, the squirrel has moved on to my tomatoes. Every morning, I find the remnants of a ripe, red tomato on the ground. I’m thinking about putting a mouse trap in the tomato plant, baited with a nice red tomato. If it snapped in his face, that squirrel would catapult himself all the way to the 405 freeway. Then with a little luck, he would meet head on with a semi – a tragic accident. BREAKING NEWS: There was a splat-and-run on the 405 today but the CHP is unable to identify the victim. All that remained on scene was a piece of tomato and some fur.


Things are not peachy

I thought everyone might  like to see my peach tree. I’ve been pampering and fertilizing it and the peaches are just now getting ready to pick. These are white peaches, the ones that are super sweet and oh so juicy… at least that’s what I’m told. Take a closer look. You’ll see a rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, fruit-stealing squirrel. I’m so mad because now I have to pick them before they’re ripe because this rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, fruit-stealing squirrel takes them before they’re even ripe. I scared this squirrel so bad he dropped the peach and literally flew out of the tree. He bolted so fast he was airborne most of the way up the hill. “Get out and don’t come back!” I bought a plastic hawk and put it in the tree. This is no way to live.