Luke writes…
Dear Jenny,
I’m a 15 year old gay male. I’ve been with 7 older men. I’m currently in a relationship with a 28 year old guy. He’s really great and I love him very much so. I told my family about him and they flipped. My grandmother actually had the nerve to say he was a “pedophile.” Although legally this is true, I feel completely different; on our first date I wanted to become intimate but HE was the one to say “that we need to take it slow and get to know each other.” I know there’s a huge age gap but we love each other. He wants to meet them and be a part of my life. I don’t know how I’m going to work that out though. I don’t want to keep lying to my family but I’m not backing out of this because of them. Please Tell Me What To Do Jenny…
Sincerely,
Luke

My response…
Dear Luke,
I hope you’re not expecting me to support you in this because I can’t. I applaud your family for taking issue with this relationship because it means they care about your wellbeing. Any sexual relationship between a 15-year-old and a 28-year old in unacceptable, and very likely illegal where you live. My reaction would be the same if this was a straight relationship so please be clear that it’s not about your being gay. It’s about an older person manipulating and taking advantage of someone vulnerable. It concerns me that you are the one who wanted to be intimate and I urge you to put your sex life on hold for a while. No one should be intimate on a first date, no matter what age. I’m guessing he says he wants to take it slow so he won’t get arrested. Luke, I know your emotions are strong right now but please do not continue this relationship. If it’s meant to be, wait until you’re out of your teens – but I’m pretty sure by the time you’re 20, you’ll look back on this and see that everyone objected for good reason. The bigger issue is why have you been with 7 older men? What are you looking for from them that’s missing from your life? A lot of young people give up sex to be accepted because they feel that’s all they have to offer. I hope you can speak to a counselor or therapist and maybe talk this out and build up your confidence so you can build an appropriate relationship with someone close to your age, a relationship built on friendship and common interests. If it eventually leads to sex, then it won’t be the only thing you have to give. If you were my son, this man would never be welcome in our home, and if he had sex with you, I would have him arrested. I’m sorry this is not what you want to hear but if this man truly cared about you, he would respect you enough to stay away. Don’t lie to your family. You’re clearly not in a position to see this man for who he is, but I hope you’ll trust that some of us who are older and wiser are looking out for you.