Remember that crazy tomato plant that just popped up 3 years ago, uninvited, in my rose garden? The one that produced over 8,000 delicious big cherry tomatoes? Well it came back this year and was going along beautifully, and quickly. I could tell it was going to be huge.

I even got a few sweet, delicious, red, vine-ripened, organic tomatoes… until THEY showed up.

The nasty squirrels started coming by every day and they and ate every red tomato – not only that – they ate the green ones too so there was no chance of any tomatoes for us. This was a lot of squirrels. They brought their families, probably renting  motorhomes and minivans to bus everybody in. The battle was no longer worth fighting. It was time to end it, like a bad breakup. If I can’t have you, nobody will. About 3 weeks ago, I went out at night and took out the plant, including the roots so it could never come back.

The next morning, the squirrels were pissed, running around like the world was going to end.

They even came up to the window to express their anger, knowing I had just ruined their entire summer. Too bad, you mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, tomato-stealing squirrels  because the tomato plant is gone. And don’t come looking for it again because it’s never coming back.

That was 3 weeks ago. Look what I found this morning.

Twenty-three tomato plants just popped up in 3 different locations. What now?????

I was making dinner tonight around 6:00 and heard a bunch of coyotes howling outside. So what’s new, right? I went out to make sure they weren’t in the yard again and it sounded like they were behind the next door neighbor’s house. I went back to my broiled salmon with rice and broccoli.

We have a tradition here that we walk every evening after dinner and we do it in the back yard. It’s a big yard and we have a path we use for our regular 20-minute after-dinner walk. After dinner we were getting ready to head outside when I saw this coyote on the hill behind our house. He was walking past, stopped to stare me down, and kept going.

It was time for our walk. We’ve both agreed that we will never use excuses not to walk after dinner and today was not going to be an exception. No excuses. That doesn’t mean no fear. I’m still haunted by the dozen or so coyotes that invaded our back yard a few weeks ago. We needed to feel safe with something that makes noise. The neighbors use an air horn to combat the coyotes but we don’t have one. So Denis got a metal pie pan and a wooden spoon to bang it with.

That was okay for one or two coyotes but what if the whole troop comes back? I got my gun. I put it in my pocket just in case and we went walking… with a pie pan, a spoon, and a gun. It’s just life in California.

Remember in the summer of 2012 when a tomato plant started growing in my rose garden? And by the time it was done, I had picked over 8,000 tomatoes? Well it’s back! If you’re new here, listen to this: I did not plant it. I did not feed it. I don’t know where it came from. It just started growing in between my roses and never stopped. The following year it didn’t come back so I thought that was it. Then about 3 months ago we noticed it coming up between the roses but it looked pretty small and we didn’t expect it to survive. Here’s what we discovered back in December…

Now, less than four months later, it’s grown into the roses on both sides and well over the top of the fence. It’s  ten feet across and taller than I am. Look at this photo taken today…

And it’s already loaded with tomatoes…

It’s crazy! But here’s something even more crazy: It’s in a different spot! I know my roses and it’s about five feet over from where it grew the first time. And it’s growing incredibly fast. As if that’s not enough, these tomatoes were the best I’ve ever tasted. They are large cherry tomatoes, organic of course, and as sweet a tomato as I’ve ever had. I’ll keep posting the progress of this crazy tomato plant and counting the ones I pick, not counting the ones eaten by the mangy rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, tomato-stealing squirrels! 

Note to self: When you hear a noise outside around midnight, don’t go out there with a flashlight. What you see might destroy any chance of having pleasant dreams. My dream involved me trying to run while being chased by zombie raccoons.

We went on a road trip! It was so much fun. We drove all the way to Vancouver, British Columbia and I learned a lot on this trip. I learned that sitting in a car for eight hours is not that hard. The hard part is getting out. My first few steps out of the car, I looked like someone recovering from a bad fall… who was just learning how to walk again. But that aside, we really had fun.  Denis and I were together 24/7 and we were still friends when we got back.

What I missed most of all was my cooking, and my beautiful house. We came back a day early and the first thing I did was go out to the backyard to see my garden. I wasn’t surprised to see a  squirrel but he was definitely surprised to see me. He froze for a moment and stared at me thinking, “Oops, you’re back early. And yes, I have one of your apples in my mouth. Goodbye.” He didn’t run. He flew across the yard so fast all I could catch was his tail flying by faster than we drove on our trip.

He ran up a tree, looked back once (I’m pretty sure he thumbed his nose) and disappeared. Seeing him made me realize I needed to check my pomegranate tree because the fruit will be ripe soon and I don’t want this mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, apple-stealing squirrel to get my pomegranates. Too late.

I know squirrel teeth marks when I see them. But the pomegranates were still green! So now I was forced to pick all the green ones off the tree and try to ripen them in a window. There were only two that even started to turn red but he hollowed them both out. It’s too painful. I decided to remove the tree and buy my pomegranates at the store. I can plant some flowers there and at least there will be something nice to look at… until the deer show up.