Santa, you’ve known me since I was a kid,
Remember when I wanted a teapot with a lid?
You came through then, and lots of times after,
When I wanted cartoons, you brought me laughter.

But then as a teen I begged you and pleaded
For something I desperately wanted & needed.
I didn’t ask for skates or some rubix cubes, 🛼
My request was simple… Just give me some boobs.

You either got people’s letters but didn’t read them,
Or you simply decided I didn’t need them.
I was mad at you all year ‘cuz my boobs didn’t grow,
But then by my twenties, I gave you another go.

“Santa,” I wrote, “there’s something else that I need,
It’s important to me so I’ll beg and I’ll plead. 🙏
You owe me for the boob thing, so now here goes:
I got my mother’s eyes but my dad’s big nose.” 🥸 👀

You remember me asking if you can make it teeny?
You wrote back and said, “I’m Santa – not Houdini!”
In spite of your rejections, I continued to believe,
Surely my next ask, I’m bound to receive.

So at 40 I gave it another shot,
About those boobs, maybe you just forgot.
I could use them now, even more than ever,
You said, “When do you want them? How about never?”

Boobless and hopeless, I wanted something for me,
So I bought implants on sale – buy one get one free!
They’re gone now and that is good news,
But there’s still one more thing I can actually use.

I’m 79 now and my boobs finally grew,
But when I look down I feel kind of blue.
You sent my boobs but something’s bothering me….
Can you change them from a 34-LONG to a 34-B? 😀

🎄 Merry Christmas, everyone! 🎄

I wanted chocolates for my birthday but my husband gave me a fire extinguisher for when we light all 79 candles on my birthday cake. 🔥 Gotta love a man who looks out for you… 😍

My Beef With Santa

Hey Santa, What’s up Dawg? You chillin’ tonight?
Don’t get too cozy, ‘cuz I’m about to pick a fight.

I didn’t get bupkus last year, thanks to you
I wrote you a letter – how much good did THAT do?

You’re lucky you’re up north and not down here,
I would kick your ass. Somebody hold my beer!

Listen, fat man, you better stop slackin
Deliver the goods or bad things can happen.

Just bring me my stuff – I am not jokin’
If not, you may have to sleep with one eye open. 👀

I’ve been planning revenge through most of the year
Be a shame if something happened to one of your reindeer.

I’d be careful before drinking that next shot of eggnog,
And you may want to protect your precious little yule log.

My list this year is the same as my last one.
I’ve made my point, so don’t pull a fast one.

Just bring the nail clippers and hat – no games or schemes
Or I will haunt you and your elves every night in your dreams. 👻

Now I’m sorry for causing you all this stress
Cuz I just found those things at CVS.

I still love you, Santa! 😍

I turned 78 today. Technically, I’m in my 79th year and that means I’m approaching 80! I think I still look good but when I ask for my senior discount, nobody ever says, “Com’on now…. really?” 😀