I finally finished decorating my tree this weekend.
Guess how many ornaments are on it, or come close, and I’ll send you a $100 Visa gift card.
Here are a couple of clues: The tree is 8 feet tall and measures 5 feet across the bottom. It’s against a wall so I only decorated three sides, leaving the back of the tree empty.
It’s one guess per person, and whether you’re over or under, whoever comes the closest… wins. The contest ends Friday.
It’s on!
1. Wesley Snipes is in prison, serving 3 years for tax evasion. He owed the IRS 15 million dollars. Before you judge him for being stupid, he may be smarter than you think. He does nothing for 3 years and wipes out 15 million in debt. That’s 5 million a year – plus free meals. Genius!
2. Who owns the Dodgers? Jamie and Frank McCourt are spending millions on lawyers to see who owns the Dodgers. Their former lawyer admitted that he doctored the community property agreement to make Frank the sole owner and now the judge has voided that agreement. If I were that former lawyer, I’d be far away, with a fake moustache, in a witness protection program… and open to a sex-change.
3. David Hasselhoff’s new reality show has already been cancelled after just two episodes. First DWTS and now this? What happened, Hoff? Your new show is off. That is toff. They didn’t even tune in to scoff. I guess they’ve had enoff of the Hoff.
4. Rob a bank without a ski mask. Bad guys are robbing banks using special effects masks, like an old man, and they’re fooling everybody. I would use a Mel Gibson mask. You wouldn’t need a gun. Anyone would give you money just to leave and not come back.
5. “Off with their Heads!” British students are angry that their university fees are being tripled so they gathered on the streets to protest. Not a good time for Charles and Camilla to cruise by in their 1977 vintage Rolls-Royce Phantom VI. The classic car was struck with fists, sticks and bottles, breaking a window and splattering it with paint. Even Camilla was poked with a stick. I think it was a 10-foot pole.
And the winner is… Rosey, a graduate student from Michigan, with the closest guess of 240!
Congratulations, Rosey!
There were 241 m&m’s in the jar.
Below is a picture of all the candies:
Thanks, everybody, for playing. I love doing contests and giving away money. 🙂
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It’s freezing here is Southern California, literally below zero at night. So when my hands get cold, I look for the warmest place to warm them up. That would be Denis’ armpits.
It’s the perfect combination: two warm pits, two cold hands. If he’s wearing a flannel shirt, it’s gotta be over a hundred in there! The downside for him is he can’t really move, unless we walk in one direction together since he’s free to drink some water or answer the phone. It only takes 5 minutes to warm up and then he’s free to go. I told you I had a good man.
p.s. It doesn’t work as well when he’s naked.
If you could use a $100 Visa gift card for Christmas, all you have to do is guess how many candies are in the jar.
The candies are almond m&m’s and the jar stands 7 1/2-inches tall from the top of the hat to the bottom of the jar.
Whoever guesses the closest without going over…WINS!
One guess per person. Winner will be revealed Friday.
Good luck!
Back in August, I had an episode of arrhythmia (I could feel my heart beating in my throat) and wound up seeing to a cardiologist who had me wear a heart monitor to see if I had heart disease or if I might need a pacemaker. At the time, I was cleared and in fact, the arrhythmia disappeared in a few weeks. I never imagined I would have a cardiologist but I sure was glad everything was okay. —- Fast forward to last week: I went to my regular long-time doctor for an annual physical including a blood test. He called me today with the results and I was surprised he was calling on a Saturday of a long weekend. He had never called on a weekend before so it made me anxious. He told me my total cholesterol, which had been elevated, was good and so was my LDL. I said that was good news. “But I have some bad news,” he said. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” he went on to say, “but you are going to find out anyway.” I could feel a knot in the pit of my stomach and I started to sweat. “It was just 3 months since you saw your cardiologist,” he said as I tried to remember what was on my bucket list. My heart was pounding! Give it to me straight, doc! What have I got – six months? But I’m still working on my cookbook. Why is he taking so long?? I can handle the truth – just tell me. “Your cardiologist died.”
What? That’s great! … NO! Not great! … But good news! … No, it’s not! Not good news, not for him, but good for me. That’s wrong too. Not good for anybody. How can I feel sad for him when I was just pulled back from the long dirt nap. No doctor should ever say, “I have bad news,” unless you’re the one who’s dying! Now I hate myself for being glad, and the stress of this is making my blood pressure rise and my heart is beating in my throat. OMG, I think my arrhythmia is back!
“Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.” -W.T. Purkiser
The first season of the Jenny Jones Show was a lot different from the last. So was my appearance. I can best illustrate the difference with this old clip I found of a little segment called “Bimbo School.” I played the Bimbo (I still had the boobs!). The Academy Award Nominating Committee did not call but we sure had some fun.
Enjoy some old school Jenny.
1. Prince William and Kate Middleton are getting married! Kate, are you sure you want to do this? How much do you know about his father? The apple doesn’t fall…etc… What will you do when you discover text messages to another, much older, seriously older, woman? Well, maybe not text messages, but I’d keep an eye out for homing pigeons.
2. It was bound to happen: they are banning plastic bags at the grocery. So now I’m hoarding my plastic bags in case I can’t get any more. I have a better idea: Why don’t they ban check-writing when there are more than 5 people in line. Or ban cell phones. Or ban price checks in the express line: No bar code? It’s free! Let’s move it!
3. The public is incensed that Bristol Palin made the finals on Dancing With The Stars. The same people who voted for Bristol will vote for her mother if she runs for president. Let’s hope the mom can dance better than the daughter because if Sarah ever becomes president, she’ll be tap dancing in the White House.
4. Eva Longoria is divorcing that guy Tony-something. What’s it gonna take for cheaters to learn to STOP TEXTING?!? Have we learned nothing from Tiger Woods? Here’s how not to get caught: Pick up the phone, hook up at a Red Roof Inn, and if you get busted, hide the golf clubs.
5. Airport screening is out of control. They could avoid all the screening with a new mandatory flyer’s dress code: Tights and a Tank Top – No Underwear! Think about it. Ballet tights are comfortable for a long flight, there’s nowhere to hide anything, and they don’t have to touch your junk when it’s shrink-wrapped like that.
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