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We have an EXACT winner!

Congratulations, Kari !! You should head for Vegas right now because you guessed 1,721 tomatoes and by 10 this morning, I picked exactly 1,721 tomatoes!


Kari says, “I am a mom of two wonderful children and an avid gardener.  My husband, the kids and I plant a garden every year as a family and we too are having a booming tomato season. We love to cook so sauce, salsa, toasted tomato sandwiches, we’ll have enough for it all… Thank you so much. You just made back to school shopping a bit easier.”

Kari guessed 1,721 and when I counted my tomatoes up this morning I was shocked that someone hit the exact number. I still can’t believe it! And Lee (from my hometown – go, London!) came close with his guess of 1,758. A lot of you missed the blog posting just below where I said that I had already picked 1,014 tomatoes by July 29th.

This tomato plant is still producing like crazy! I thought it would be almost spent by now but it looks like I will eventually get about two and a half thousand tomatoes. Enough for me, the rabbit, and the mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, tomato-eating squirrel. Thanks, everybody, for playing. Kari, your gift card is on the way!

UPDATE 6:00 pm

This is crazy! Here’s what I just picked tonight at 6 o’clock. Sixty-two more tomatoes for a new total of 1,783!


Win $100 American Express gift card!

All you have to do is guess how many ripe cherry tomatoes I will have picked from this plant by Friday morning. At 10 am on Friday, I will go out and pick all the ripe tomatoes I see and add it to my running total. Whoever comes the closest to the total, whether over or under, will win as $100 American Express gift card!  Sounds like fun! 🙂

Here’s all I can tell you:
~~It’s one humungous plant that showed up on its own and I started picking ripe tomatoes on July 6th.

~~They are large (and delicious) cherry tomatoes.

~~The plant is around 25 feet long, 6 feet tall, and around 15 feet wide.

~~I’ve been picking tomatoes every day.

~~One guess per person.

~~Here’s a close-up view…

~~Someone is picking & counting tomatoes while I’m in Vegas, too.

~~We won’t be counting the ones eaten by the mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking squirrel.

Good luck!!

Remember 1998?

I just came across a video of highlights from my show from 1998. That was our 8th season on the air and there was so much fun stuff that year. Watching it made me realize how much fun we all had and how much I miss the audiences in Chicago. I feel like they were my co-hosts with the energy and excitement they brought every day… not to mention the best guests ever! I hope you enjoy the video and seeing why I loved doing this show.

No Heimlich for you

I’ve picked about 150 tomatoes already from my unwanted, unplanted cherry tomato plant. I almost stepped on the rabbit yesterday who was trying to hide under the plant again. If he’s eating the tomatoes I wouldn’t know since there seem to be around 1,000 tomatoes on the plant which has now grown to 16 feet across. There’s even enough tomatoes for the mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, fruit-stealing squirrel. But he doesn’t want my tomatoes.. Nooooooo. He eats my white peaches.

I hope he chokes on a pit. He can beg me to give him a Heimlich but the only thing I’d give him is a shoebox. “Get in. We’re goin’ for a ride.”

I went to the mall

Does anybody else get annoyed at the mall? I went there today and here’s my list…

~~ A giant chrome-plated Hummer parked in handicapped? I don’t think so.

~~ They had Christmas stuff at the Hallmark store. Com’on!

~~ Skinny jeans are not for everyone.

~~ The louder the music, the less money I spend.

~~ Who’s getting their teeth whitened at the mall???

~~ My size is always gone.

~~ When you get to the bottom of the escalator, MOVE!

~~ Just stay in your kiosk and leave me alone!

Is it just me? Bad mood? Low blood sugar? Too much squirrel-stress ?

Something was moving in there

Earlier this year, I noticed a plant sprouting in my garden right between two roses. I was about to pull it out but thought it looked like a tomato so I left it. I was so busy chasing that mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, fruit-stealing squirrel off my peach tree, I didn’t notice that it was growing. The next time I looked, I had a tomato plant. It was about two feet high with little flowers so I left it there. Today, it’s out of control! I don’t know what happened but all of a sudden, it’s HUGE, and loaded with cherry tomatoes. And heavy. I’m constantly tying it up because it keeps growing. Yesterday, I propped it up with some fencing I had and it’s still falling over. I didn’t plant it. I didn’t feed it. I didn’t want it. There are rose bushes under there… dying. Denis thinks that when that mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, fruit-stealing squirrel ate my potted cherry tomatoes last year, he was hiding out between the roses and left a seed in the ground. OMG, maybe he pooped it into the ground! Either way, he’s a pig. The tomatoes are starting to ripen but they’re inside the plant and I can’t get there. It’s 14 feet long and 8 feet deep! I’m not sticking my hand in there. Don’t snakes eat tomatoes? Something was moving in there yesterday and it had a tail.

Me? A centerfold?

Here’s what’s wrong with the picture below: Back in the 80’s when my hair had its own zip code, I was doing standup comedy and someone wrote a feature story on me for a comedy magazine with my picture in the centerfold. I suppose I could have done Playboy (if I had a better face, better hair, a better body, and my own boobs!) but I can always say I was a centerfold. For some unknown reason, they stretched the picture so it was my freakishly long thighs that are wrong with this picture. If you look at the distance between my butt and my left knee, I could have rode a horse with my feet on the ground!

Happy Father’s Day

Here’s a picture of my dad who inspired me with his great cooking. He was definitely the number one cook in the family. In this photo, I had just surprised him with his own personalized apron and he loved it! He died at 73 and never got to see me make it in television or as a cookbook author. I know he would have been proud of me.