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I went to the mall

Does anybody else get annoyed at the mall? I went there today and here’s my list…

~~ A giant chrome-plated Hummer parked in handicapped? I don’t think so.

~~ They had Christmas stuff at the Hallmark store. Com’on!

~~ Skinny jeans are not for everyone.

~~ The louder the music, the less money I spend.

~~ Who’s getting their teeth whitened at the mall???

~~ My size is always gone.

~~ When you get to the bottom of the escalator, MOVE!

~~ Just stay in your kiosk and leave me alone!

Is it just me? Bad mood? Low blood sugar? Too much squirrel-stress ?

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I can see you

“OMG, it’s tomato heaven!”

“If I stand perfectly still down here, she’ll never see me.”

“She thinks it’s that mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, fruit-stealing squirrel that’s eating her tomatoes.”

“Dumb-ass.”

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Share Your Pictures…

Posted Feb. 15, 2013

Rhonda made my pork tenderloin dinner and it looks great! She says, “I made your Pork Tenderloin Dinner and it was soo good. I only marinade for 4 hours but I want to try this recipe again and marinade over night and cook it the next day to see if there’s a change with how I made it the first time. You are such a pro at making the best meats look so good. Which I don’t think I did too bad for myself with this recipe. My Mom liked it and that’s a plus :)”

Posted Aug. 18, 2013

This is Marty’s new 2013 Ford Escape. “nice huh? the pickup truck is mine also. It is really a Mazda with a Ford nameplate. Still it is cute though ain’t it?”


Posted Aug. 5, 2012

Sue made my strawberry cake for her mother’s birthday. “Thanks again JJ everyone just loved your cake!!!!”


Posted June 8, 2012

Sue’s “Teka”

“Out for a 5k walk after my 12th birthday (June 8th).”

Sue’s “Teka & Kya”

Of course Kya had to have her head in Teka’s treat bag!! 🙂

Posted June 12, 2012

Rhonda’s Mac ‘n’ Cheese

“Just wanted to show you a photo of your Mac & Cheese I made today. I made another plate because I realized maybe you would want to see us when we make your recipes and how they turn out. This was fun to make. It took effort, but well worth it like you said in your book 🙂 This is really the best Mac & Cheese I’ve had. It’s really good 😉 Now I’m off to clean the kitchen…ugh!…lol… Take care, Rhonda”

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Something was moving in there

Earlier this year, I noticed a plant sprouting in my garden right between two roses. I was about to pull it out but thought it looked like a tomato so I left it. I was so busy chasing that mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, fruit-stealing squirrel off my peach tree, I didn’t notice that it was growing. The next time I looked, I had a tomato plant. It was about two feet high with little flowers so I left it there. Today, it’s out of control! I don’t know what happened but all of a sudden, it’s HUGE, and loaded with cherry tomatoes. And heavy. I’m constantly tying it up because it keeps growing. Yesterday, I propped it up with some fencing I had and it’s still falling over. I didn’t plant it. I didn’t feed it. I didn’t want it. There are rose bushes under there… dying. Denis thinks that when that mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, fruit-stealing squirrel ate my potted cherry tomatoes last year, he was hiding out between the roses and left a seed in the ground. OMG, maybe he pooped it into the ground! Either way, he’s a pig. The tomatoes are starting to ripen but they’re inside the plant and I can’t get there. It’s 14 feet long and 8 feet deep! I’m not sticking my hand in there. Don’t snakes eat tomatoes? Something was moving in there yesterday and it had a tail.

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Me? A centerfold?

Here’s what’s wrong with the picture below: Back in the 80’s when my hair had its own zip code, I was doing standup comedy and someone wrote a feature story on me for a comedy magazine with my picture in the centerfold. I suppose I could have done Playboy (if I had a better face, better hair, a better body, and my own boobs!) but I can always say I was a centerfold. For some unknown reason, they stretched the picture so it was my freakishly long thighs that are wrong with this picture. If you look at the distance between my butt and my left knee, I could have rode a horse with my feet on the ground!

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Happy Father’s Day

Here’s a picture of my dad who inspired me with his great cooking. He was definitely the number one cook in the family. In this photo, I had just surprised him with his own personalized apron and he loved it! He died at 73 and never got to see me make it in television or as a cookbook author. I know he would have been proud of me.

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I hate you.

What happened?

No more peaches on the tree?

“No problem. I’ll just grab an apple!”

I hate you.

Stop grabbing my apples!!!

How about if I come down and grab your nuts?

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Airborne most of the way

This squirrel wasn’t expecting me to catch him in my peach tree. I went out to check on my dwarf white peach tree this morning because I was getting quite  few peaches just starting to grow (but too early to pick). And this mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, peach-stealing squirrel was in the tree! Eating a peach!

I scared him so bad he flew like he had wings – out from the tree, across the lawn, only touching down twice before he disappeared into the bushes. He was airborne most of the way.

Was I too mean? He had a look of terror on his face so I think he peed on my peaches. Are they still organic?

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Son, is that you?

We have more hummingbirds this year than ever. I’m guessing there are more nests around but I can’t find them. (I’m too busy chasing squirrels off my peach tree – but that’s another post). We have several hummingbird feeders and usually we just fill them once a week but since we found the nest, even twice a week isn’t enough. Who’s drinking all the water? Let’s see… who eats more than anybody else? Growing youngsters. Then I saw this little one on the feeder and he was so tiny, maybe it’s one of my babies.

“Son, is that you?” He wouldn’t even look at me. Or IS he looking at me? I can’t tell with that eyeball on the side. But it looks like he’s ignoring me, thinking… “Maybe she’ll go away so I can get back to my lunch. You got your picture now leave me alone!”

Ingrate.

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